Status: RerunOriginal Air Date: 11.29.07
I am not a woman. Cramps, childbirth and shaving of legs give me reason to celebrate this fact.
Hourly.
However, there are some items, areas and allowances, exclusive to my feminine counterparts, that I am envious of. Most notably, drink service at bars. And boobs.
But perhaps the area that holds most of my jealousy is hair. A hidden world of great importance largely unknown to men. Much like shoes. Or handbags.
I shaved my head a few months back. For most of you, the magnitude of such a choice is lost. But before the buzz, it was pretty clear that my hair was the lovechild of a porcupine and Sonic the Hedgehog. At a rave. Holding Glow Sticks. The money I spent on hair product often jeopardized my family's ability to eat and my children's chances at a college education.
Guys are fairly limited in our choices of coif. But we are OK with this short deck because, for most of us, it's just hair. More thought goes into our tenth round pick in our Fantasy Football draft. Or what kind of cheese we want on our hamburger.
But for women, the relationship is much different. Hair defines them. It can change who they are and who they want to be. When it goes well, you can ride the wave all the way to a few guy's nights out and a new titanium driver. And when it goes bad, you would be wise to arm yourself with Kleenex. And contemplate an extended stay hotel situation. Keyword being "extended."
Their hair is their everything. They hold onto it like a tub of Haagen-Dazs on a lonely Friday night. And the options are almost endless. Wear it up. Wear it down. Layered. Bangs. Bob. Point. Crop. Shake. Colored. Highlights. Glazed. Glosses. Blends. Extensions. Weave. Braids.
Someone should slap me.
Please.
On today's episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show, O welcomes five celebrity hairstylists (Ken Paves, Kimberly Kimble, Rita Hazan, Ted Gibson and Harry Josh) to tell their stories, offer their tips and give their advice in part two of her "Great American Haircut."
Obviously, seeing part one of this series would've been helpful here. And herein lies one fatal flaw of reruns. The linear rules of time and space associated with a two-part show are rarely, if ever, followed when aired as a rerun. Therefore, seeing the cart before the horse is a confusing, yet frequent occurrence.
But thankfully, O saves us from our own confusion and informs the audience that the "Great American Haircut" involved her show, hiring five celebrity hairstylists and allowing them to makeover 99 women and one man in 48 hours. A man who looked like a unibombing Jesus. Today was the aftermath.
I don't see the importance of breaking this episode down segment by segment. Due, in large part, to the fact that each segment is more of the 99. Different woman. Different stylist. Different hair style. Over and over and over again. I liken it to standing on a ladder and putting your head into the ceiling fan. On high.
But as your mind numbs and thoughts of training camp flood your brain, remember that big sacrifice results in big reward. And given that you will now know that a) you can't use color and relaxer together, b) the bob is in, c) light golden hair color works for lighter complexions and d) letting your hair hang down softens your face, what more of a reward could you ever want?
And as ESPN buzzes with up-to-the-second details of the trade involving Brett Favre, one of the greatest quarterbacks in NFL history, going to the NY Jets, I sit here trying to figure out how to best describe the rules of proper hair coloring. Or contemplating if the hairstylists' celebrity clientele list is worthy of inclusion in tonight's post. It isn't.
I don't blame you for suggesting I should be taken out to a field and dealt with in a manner fitting for a lame horse. With each new post and my increasingly obvious feminization, I tend to agree.
Next Episode: What Bill and Melinda Gates Want You to Know
Will they reveal to the world that they have matching iPods? Or the new iPhone?
Until tomorrow.
1 comments:
A guy named Harry is a stylist?
That's like a porn star having the name Dick.
That's so made up...
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