Original Air Date: 10.12.07
I don't have a uterine wall. I live my life sans breasts and a menstrual cycle. I don't like lipstick, pantyhose or bras. At least not on me.
I celebrate the fact that I don't have to "do my nails" or "get a bikini wax."
And knowing that I will never shoot milk out of my boobs or a person out of my butt gives me cause for great celebration.
In short, I am not a woman. And I am glad.
However, thanks to this blog and my newly adopted television-watching habits, I might be the next closest thing. I've made no secret about being concerned for myself and my further feminization due to excessive watching of Oprah and writing about Oprah.
Which makes today's episode that much more serendipitous. And amusing.
Today, on The Oprah Winfrey Show, we meet two families with two mommies. Actually, it's one full-blown mommy and one refurbished mommy given that refurb used to be daddy. Men, fathers, husbands got sick of the guy life and decided to hop off the train in favor of life as a woman.
Oh, it gets better.
Segment 1: From Don to Denise
I've never been trapped in another person's body. Nor have I have been stuck in my body, but claimed it was just the wrong model number. Due to these facts, I feel somewhat unqualified to analyze Don and this segment. Because Don was "born in the wrong body."
But being ever resourceful, Don focused on combating these conflicting feelings by wearing women's underwear. A habit that was not all that well-received by his girlfriend at the time. The woman he would later marry. She admits that she found it a "little strange."
Note to Fran:
Billy Mays is a "little strange." Artificially-colored green Heinz ketchup is a "little strange."
Sporting your wife's undies is awkward, uncomfortable and frankly, a bit inconsiderate.
Once stretched, those elastic bands on the undies don't ever snap back into place. Not that I'd know.
Segment 2: More Don
After forty-six years of being Don and twenty-four years of marriage, Don became Denise.
And according to his wife, Fran, this does not make her a lesbian. Just so we're clear.
She never thought about leaving. She never had a day of resentment and regret. By all accounts, it seems like the thing she is most upset about is having to share her make-up. And mousse.
O sums it up best.
"This is all too normal."
That's one way to put it.
Segment 3: The Neighbors
Don/Denise has always known he was in the wrong body. The occasional migraines, stomach pains and high-blood pressure were the indicators proving to him it was time to become a woman. While watching this, a voice in my head screams out in a panic.
"Crap, I'm screwed."
I've had migraines.
I had stomach pains yesterday.
Catch me in the midst of one of BS2's full-blown crying assaults (like the meltdown that can be heard throughout my house at this moment) and my blood pressure might spike a little.
Or a lot. A whole lot.
So, am I correct in assuming that I am next. Are these the tell tale signs that sporting a new transgender lifestyle is near? If so, a little warning would be nice.
I'd like to clear out my closet.
Oh, and the neighbors are cool with the "changes in the neighborhood," in case you were wondering. Which hopefully, you weren't.
Segment 4: The Kids
Forgive me for the general assumption I am about to make. But if my dad came home, sat down on the couch with me and proceeded to tell me that he was going take the necessary steps to become a woman, I think I would take issue to it.
After seeing Don/Denise's kids and hearing their reaction to it all, I start to think I might be overreacting. Or I'm stuck in the Twilight Zone.
Someone please explain to me what the hell is going on here.
Your dad has boobs. He is a woman. But it's cool?
One of his daughters is asking her dad/mom for help picking out earrings. Scott, his son, is "perfectly fine with it." Hell, even his buddies are cool with his new mom/dad. Alyssa, the youngest daughter is the only one who seems remotely affected by all of this.
"He will always be our dad," says each child.
I get that part of it.
But the rest?
Really?
Really?
Segment 5-7: Joan and Sydney
If you saw the first four segments, you'll see nothing new here. It's a carbon-copy story. Kids fall in love. They get married. A few years later, Joan finds a box of women's clothing that is not hers. It's his. She thinks it's a phase. He knows it's not.
They have kids. A few years later, he gets that "I'm-in-the-wrong-body" feeling, so he becomes Sydney.
Today, Joan has adjusted to "never seeing her husband again," but the kids are still struggling with some of it. I can't imagine why.
Next Episode: David Cassidy and the Cosby Kids: All Grown Up
If seeing older women throw their clothes on stage doesn't get you going, maybe Denise, Theo, Vanessa and Rudy Huxtable will.
Until Monday.
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