Original Air Date: 10.03.07
On today's episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show, O looks to answer the question, "Why Did I Get Married?" It's an opportunity for arguments, awkward moments, uncomfortable glances and, if we're lucky, kicks to the groin and promises of new found marital celibacy.
I've been anticipating this for the better part of 24 hours. A fact that, in itself, is almost as awkward and uncomfortable.
Following a few minutes of anecdotal gold from married couples young and old, they are gone. Replaced by the cast of the movie, "Why Did I Get Married?"
Get it?
It's OK. I've never heard of it either.
Let the ass whip begin.
So, if you will allow me to get this off my chest.
Dear Oprah,
I am writing this letter to you in reference to your recent episode, "Why Did I Get Married?" More specifically, the fact that it sucked.
Immensely.
I am brought back to Christmas Day, where, as an 8-year old boy, I peered across our house and discovered my mom putting presents under the tree. And it in an instant of shock and horror, it became clear to me. Santa Claus had forgotten to stop by my house. That fat-ass jolly jerk shafted me.
Sure I lied about getting kicked off the bus, and hid the disciplinary slip. And yes, I got more of those stupid cold pricklies than warm fuzzies in Mrs. Moon's math class, but get over it. Buttface.
Ms. Winfrey, I tell you of this moment in hopes of it helping you understand the frustration and disappointment I felt on that December morn. For so long, I had expected so much. And because of the choices made by someone else, my expectations wouldn't be met.
Today, Oprah, you are my Santa Claus.
You promised gifts centering around the question, "Why Did I Get Married?" As a married man, who's wife asks herself this question hourly, I was intrigued. And thanks to Jim and Julie, David and Sally, Jackie and Tom, as well as Bernice and Steve, an empathetic glimmer of hope, I could see. Couples that talked of expectations and realities. Love and "nomance." Sex in hotel rooms and refusing to take the husband's last name.
And for that, Ms. Winfrey, I thank you.
But then, you took it away faster than a Snickerdoodle from a fat kid.
I do not know Tyler Perry or Jill Scott. I've never heard of the movie, "Why Did I Get Married?" And while I recognize your attempts at coincidental irony and appreciate any opportunity to see Janet Jackson, movie clips are of no use to me.
A faithful watcher of your show, I must confess, I contemplated Ellen. And even Tyra. Yes, it is that serious.
It pains me to say that, but events like this, a "bait and switch" if you will, are unacceptable to me, and I would hope would be to you and your producers as well.
Ho. Ho. Ho. O
XOXO,
Sensei
Next Episode: Oprah Special Report: Inside the Lives of America's Poor
Maria Shriver, Gayle King and CNN reporter Anderson Cooper investigate indescribable poverty within the wealthiest nation in the world.
Until Friday.
2 comments:
Did you say you like Wilco?
You must come and visit me!!!!
Baby Sensei's first article of clothing was a Wilco onesie and I am such a fan of Jeff Tweedy that I think my wife is beginning to suspect something.
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